i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
