So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
