Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
