And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
