i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
