hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
