i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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