Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
