I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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