im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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