Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
