...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
