So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think my moral compass just broke
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
