Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
