don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
