Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
