So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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