Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
