I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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