When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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