i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
