blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
