can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
