if only i could text you this smell
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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