I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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