she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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