he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
