I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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