there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
