Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
