the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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