Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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