When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We left the knife in your bed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
