you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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