You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
