I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
