they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
