dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
