fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
