I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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