Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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