she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
