"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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