you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
