I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
