We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
