I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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