just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
