I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
