I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
